Wish Upon A Star

I wish my eyelashes were longer.

I wish I was appreciated.

I wish my friends would stay.

I wish I could win.

I wish I was someone's favorite.

I wish that would last.

I wish I was smarter.

I wish I didn't have to be.

I wish I could be seen.

I wish I was heard.

I wish I things would get better.

I wish I could be happy.

I wish I already was.

I wish I could sing.

I wish I could dance.

I wish I knew what I wanted.

I wish I was someone else.

I wish I lived in a different time.

I wish I was stronger.

I wish I was wanted.

I wish I was liked.

I wish things came easily to me.

I wish I get everything I wish for.

All I Ever Wanted

I have an assignment to write a life plan that amounts to five pages. I don't even have a life plan that amounts to five words. Live. That's all.

I don't know what the future will hold. I don't even know what tomorrow will bring or what time I will go to sleep tonight. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, or even if I will grow up at all. I just want to wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night, and in between do what I want to do (right, Bob Dylan?). I think I know what I career I will go into. I think I know where I will live. I think I know what I believe in. I think I know who my friends are. I think I know what I wish that I could do. I think I know who I am.

I want to be loved.

I want to love.

I want to be successful.

I want to be happy.

I want to live.

I want to laugh.

I want to cry.

I want to scream.

I want to be healthy.

I want to look up.

I want to be better.

I want to be me.

"I must learn to love the fool in me. The one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries."

-Theodore Isaac Rubin

Everything Is Changing, And I Don't Feel The Same

I'm sitting on the futon of a room I have lived in for five months now. I sit here everyday.

I'm listening to my next door neighbor blast her music and sing loudly. I hear this everyday.

I'm chatting with my friends about boys we like. I do this everyday.

I'm drinking Kool-Aid as a nightly treat. I drink this everyday.

I'm watching Disney Channel before I go to sleep. I watch this everyday.

But I'm lost. Confused. Bewildered. Mad. Stressed. Sad. But mainly my mind is just blown. How can I be in two places at once? How do I wish for one friend to leave the one she is with, while wishing the other to hold on for dear life? How do I support something I know anything about other than I have to support it?

My world is changing. My life is rearranging. I don't know what I am supposed to feel.

Answer This

I have tried to write lately. I've gotten a few lines out and put a miniscule effort into it. Maybe it is the fact that I am not trying hard enough or that I haven't written in a while, but I am afraid that I have lost it.

Poetry used to flow from me as if it was the air that I breathed. It was so simple, yet breathtaking. I overwhelmed myself so often with the words that I was able to put on paper. A lot of the time, I had no idea that I felt that way. Poetry is therapy. I would pick up my pen, full of questions, and by the time I put it back down, I would have all of the answers.

I want to have all of the answers again.

My Girl

I really miss my Daddy. I do not care how juvenile that sounds. I miss him, and it doesn't get easier any minute.

Today is my Dad's birthday and my first official day in school. I can't be with him on his special day and it kills me. I didn't even get to see him today.

On Sunday, we all went out to lunch as a family after moving my sister into her room. After lunch, we walked across the parking lot to a store. As we were walking, my Daddy and I fell behind as my mom and sister led the way. My Daddy and I were walking step in step with each other. We mirrored each other perfectly. We are always in sync with one another. Always. My sunglasses hid my tears.

I am my Father's daughter. I am a Daddy's Girl. I am so proud of that. I am just like him in almost every way. I miss him. I miss him so much it hurts.

Brand New World

There is no light shining for me here;
The flame has finally ceased.
The tide is good for sailing
And my ship has been released.

I am going to faraway places.
I am going to change my name.
I am driving fast on the highway;
I have got my life to claim.

It's a brand new beginning.
It's a life that I get to make.
It's coming at me fast
And I am wide awake.

It's my mistake to forge.
It's for me to take for granted.
It's my brand new world
And I am so enchanted.

Paint Brushes

Hard times hit all people in different ways. Some people constructively use their trials. Some just cannot adjust. Some go through addictions. Some people turn to faith. All suffer. All cry. All mourn. A lot of people go through so many difficult times that it almost becomes easy. Some people never go through anything difficult so that when they finally do run up against an obstacle, they are completely overwhelmed and just can't deal. Everyone goes through something. Everyone has problems. But problems have such a broad spectrum that they are impossible to classify.

Lost jobs. Divorces. Sickness. Legal issues. Death.

A problem that takes one person a lifetime to fix could take another person a moment. That's why you can't judge anyone's situation. Everything will be different.

I would like to say that I am a wise person. I have learned a lot in school, in life, and otherwise. I was simply reflecting today on problems and I stumbled upon a unifier: paint brushes.

I painted a bookshelf today and used two paint brushes. When I was washing them out later this afternoon, I realized that washing paint brushes is not an easy thing to do. You can never get all of the paint out. It was something I had noticed before, but today I found that extremely comforting. Everyone has a hard time washing paint brushes. It is equally as difficult for me to do that as it is for anyone else. We are all unified. We are all in this together.