We are here for a good time.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Busy
I have had the winter blues.
Having not quite caught my breath during Christmas break, I came into this semester a little overtired and a little overwhelmed. I have come to learn that that is not the way to start off. If I have ever said that I was busy before this semester, I was wrong. I did not know what busy was until I reached this phase of my life. Busy is having a test a week in your classes. Busy is 3 hours of homework per week, per class. Busy is being responsible for over 300 young women. Busy is balancing and working with a budget that surpasses one million dollars. Busy is learning that adults do not always advise and projects that are delegated are not always done correctly. Busy is being laid-back in a world that is perpetually more challenging every time you glance up. Busy is following through. Busy is correcting other people's mistakes and often taking the blame. Busy is waking up on the right side of the bed when you barely had enough time to crawl into it. Busy is my new way of life.
So as you can see, I've been a little busy. I let the blog fall by the wayside in order to hold onto my sanity. I also learned that it is acceptable spend the night at home on a school night and drive back to Oxford before class the next day. Sometimes you just need a break.
I always think of Alexander whenever I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I've been thinking of him a lot lately. But as the story goes, some days are like that... even in Australia. Lately I have been trying to convince myself to see the good in it all, the light at the end of the tunnel. The light is here or at least almost here. As I type this, you see, summer is ending in Australia, but summer is just now beginning in Mississippi.
Even though the sun does not agree with my porcelain skin, it has been good to feel the vitamin D coursing through my veins. I've been able to step back and relax. I've worn shorts and Chaco's too many times than should be allowed during the month of February. I read a book while sitting with friends under a tree in the Grove. I painted outside and got a new camera made to explore the effects of sunlight on everyday items.
I'm coming back to life.
While this semester has been a challenge, so far it has also been some of the most fun weeks of my college career. I'm busy. But I'm not letting that stop me.
Having not quite caught my breath during Christmas break, I came into this semester a little overtired and a little overwhelmed. I have come to learn that that is not the way to start off. If I have ever said that I was busy before this semester, I was wrong. I did not know what busy was until I reached this phase of my life. Busy is having a test a week in your classes. Busy is 3 hours of homework per week, per class. Busy is being responsible for over 300 young women. Busy is balancing and working with a budget that surpasses one million dollars. Busy is learning that adults do not always advise and projects that are delegated are not always done correctly. Busy is being laid-back in a world that is perpetually more challenging every time you glance up. Busy is following through. Busy is correcting other people's mistakes and often taking the blame. Busy is waking up on the right side of the bed when you barely had enough time to crawl into it. Busy is my new way of life.
So as you can see, I've been a little busy. I let the blog fall by the wayside in order to hold onto my sanity. I also learned that it is acceptable spend the night at home on a school night and drive back to Oxford before class the next day. Sometimes you just need a break.
I always think of Alexander whenever I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I've been thinking of him a lot lately. But as the story goes, some days are like that... even in Australia. Lately I have been trying to convince myself to see the good in it all, the light at the end of the tunnel. The light is here or at least almost here. As I type this, you see, summer is ending in Australia, but summer is just now beginning in Mississippi.
Even though the sun does not agree with my porcelain skin, it has been good to feel the vitamin D coursing through my veins. I've been able to step back and relax. I've worn shorts and Chaco's too many times than should be allowed during the month of February. I read a book while sitting with friends under a tree in the Grove. I painted outside and got a new camera made to explore the effects of sunlight on everyday items.
I'm coming back to life.
While this semester has been a challenge, so far it has also been some of the most fun weeks of my college career. I'm busy. But I'm not letting that stop me.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Girl Talk
Something unbelievable happened this week. On a Monday. Nothing good ever happens on a Monday... or so I thought. Boy was I wrong.
I just went to a concert. Nothing too out of the ordinary, but I knew that this one would be different. Girl Talk has been a favorite of mine since the first time I ever heard it. It is the first CD I play when there is nothing on the radio. Greg Gillis is one of the most important men in my life. Needless to say, I was a little excited for the show. I expected a good time but I got so much more than that.
There I was. Front row. Right in the middle. I got to experience the concert the way it was designed to be seen. When the guys with the leaf blowers shot toilet paper into the air, they leaned over me to do so. When they sprayed water into people's faces, I was the go-to girl. When the camera wanted a close-up for the screen on stage, I was a perfect choice.
The songs were perfect. Just like they always are. For someone with a wide range of tastes, Girl Talk is the perfect mix of everything I love about music. So when I was standing at that concert, with everything I love right in front of me, I was able to let loose and just be me.
It did not matter how what I looked like or how I acted. It did not matter who I was or what I wanted to do with my life. I did not have to worry about my life plans or lack thereof. I was just me. A complete stranger to the crowd, but just like everyone else. We just danced. Without worrying about appearances. We just did what we wanted to do. We felt the music and let go.
It was the best concert I have ever attended.
I believe that hearts are made of glitter that you scatter around. The more glitter in an area or on a person means that it is covered in your love. I think the same is true with confetti....
I just went to a concert. Nothing too out of the ordinary, but I knew that this one would be different. Girl Talk has been a favorite of mine since the first time I ever heard it. It is the first CD I play when there is nothing on the radio. Greg Gillis is one of the most important men in my life. Needless to say, I was a little excited for the show. I expected a good time but I got so much more than that.
There I was. Front row. Right in the middle. I got to experience the concert the way it was designed to be seen. When the guys with the leaf blowers shot toilet paper into the air, they leaned over me to do so. When they sprayed water into people's faces, I was the go-to girl. When the camera wanted a close-up for the screen on stage, I was a perfect choice.
The songs were perfect. Just like they always are. For someone with a wide range of tastes, Girl Talk is the perfect mix of everything I love about music. So when I was standing at that concert, with everything I love right in front of me, I was able to let loose and just be me.
It did not matter how what I looked like or how I acted. It did not matter who I was or what I wanted to do with my life. I did not have to worry about my life plans or lack thereof. I was just me. A complete stranger to the crowd, but just like everyone else. We just danced. Without worrying about appearances. We just did what we wanted to do. We felt the music and let go.
It was the best concert I have ever attended.
I believe that hearts are made of glitter that you scatter around. The more glitter in an area or on a person means that it is covered in your love. I think the same is true with confetti....
Sunday, January 16, 2011
I Have Let Myself Go
2010 ended on a wave of good times and memories that I will hold onto for a long to come. The last few weeks of the year held some of the best times I have had during 2010. When it came down to the year changing, I wasn't ready. I have never been comfortable with change. I am superstitious. And this time it wasn't only the year changing, it was the decade. Which really scared me.
I did most of my growing up during the past ten years. I hit some major milestones. Needless to say, I was wary for all of that to end. I felt that fear that comes with turning in a project without having the time to proofread it. I don't know if I was able to accomplish everything I had hoped for. 2010 ending was intimidating. But as much as I wish otherwise, I have no control over time. Things happen and time passes without my approval. Thus the end of an era.
I did well and I did good over the past ten years. I made major improvements. I learned long division and calculus. I mastered writing in cursive, and then I promptly forgot it. I went from recess to study hall. I lost and I won elections. I witnessed birth and death. I got braces and (thankfully) got them removed. I broke bones and I learned how to fix them. I lost friends and found even better ones. But most of all, I learned how to be me.
So for this decade and this year, I compiled a list of non-goals. A list of things that I already love about myself and things that I do right:
1. Continue to be courageous. You have been faced with tough situations but have found the strength to navigate through them with grace.
2. You have cultivated a great ability to listen. Keep listening to the voice inside of you and trusting what you truly want and need. And keep listening to others. Listen to their stories and learn from their voices. They made need a shoulder to cry on, but you still need to be needed.
3. You have been confronted with new challenges and stretched in new ways, especially this year. Be proud of the resiliency and focus you have shown.
4. Never stop asking for what you want or need. It will be better in the end.
5. Don't forget that you are doing what you love. Please don't forget that.
But just like every good thing must come to an end, I also reflected on the things that I must change. So in this year and in this decade, I will:
1. Drink more water and less Diet Coke.
2. Stop being so lazy. Life is happening while you are taking your sweet time. Go out into the world and be a part of it.
3. Be more adventurous. Every time you have stepped out of the box, it has proven to be beneficial. Get out of your comfort zone and see life in a different way.
4. Hone your creativity. It always comes in waves. It is inside you, it is just hiding. Go find it. Dig deep and color the world.
5. Love. That is always the challenge for you, isn't it? Be more open and accepting. See what life is like on the other side.
I don't like change. It took me a while, but I am ready to accept the challenge of moving forward. I am ready. I am willing.
I have let myself go.
2011, may you be just as exciting as I am anticipating.
I did most of my growing up during the past ten years. I hit some major milestones. Needless to say, I was wary for all of that to end. I felt that fear that comes with turning in a project without having the time to proofread it. I don't know if I was able to accomplish everything I had hoped for. 2010 ending was intimidating. But as much as I wish otherwise, I have no control over time. Things happen and time passes without my approval. Thus the end of an era.
I did well and I did good over the past ten years. I made major improvements. I learned long division and calculus. I mastered writing in cursive, and then I promptly forgot it. I went from recess to study hall. I lost and I won elections. I witnessed birth and death. I got braces and (thankfully) got them removed. I broke bones and I learned how to fix them. I lost friends and found even better ones. But most of all, I learned how to be me.
So for this decade and this year, I compiled a list of non-goals. A list of things that I already love about myself and things that I do right:
1. Continue to be courageous. You have been faced with tough situations but have found the strength to navigate through them with grace.
2. You have cultivated a great ability to listen. Keep listening to the voice inside of you and trusting what you truly want and need. And keep listening to others. Listen to their stories and learn from their voices. They made need a shoulder to cry on, but you still need to be needed.
3. You have been confronted with new challenges and stretched in new ways, especially this year. Be proud of the resiliency and focus you have shown.
4. Never stop asking for what you want or need. It will be better in the end.
5. Don't forget that you are doing what you love. Please don't forget that.
But just like every good thing must come to an end, I also reflected on the things that I must change. So in this year and in this decade, I will:
1. Drink more water and less Diet Coke.
2. Stop being so lazy. Life is happening while you are taking your sweet time. Go out into the world and be a part of it.
3. Be more adventurous. Every time you have stepped out of the box, it has proven to be beneficial. Get out of your comfort zone and see life in a different way.
4. Hone your creativity. It always comes in waves. It is inside you, it is just hiding. Go find it. Dig deep and color the world.
5. Love. That is always the challenge for you, isn't it? Be more open and accepting. See what life is like on the other side.
I don't like change. It took me a while, but I am ready to accept the challenge of moving forward. I am ready. I am willing.
I have let myself go.
2011, may you be just as exciting as I am anticipating.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
I'll Be Seeing You
My grandfather died in the early morning hours of April 6, 2008. It was a tough day for all of us, followed by tougher weeks ahead.
At this time, I was still in high school and my sister was at Ole Miss. I could hear the phone ring in my parent's bedroom and I knew that it was never a good thing whenever anyone called that early. My mom came in to tell me the news: Papa died.
My mother drove to Oxford right away to tell my sister. She went to her dorm room, woke her up, and let her know. She took my sister to get breakfast and sitting there next to the car was a beautiful male cardinal. He watched them drive away. My sister knew it in her heart that that cardinal was Papa, quietly watching over her.
I have never been one to believe in reincarnation or ghosts or spirits. That is not what Papa is. I know that my grandfather is above in Heaven. He watches over my family every day and just to say hello, he puts a cardinal in our path to remind us of the love he has for each one of us.
Today was another tough day. My father, mother, sister and I were packing our bags to leave Mimi's house when Mimi told us that Aunt Naomi had died. She had been fighting a very tough battle to live for quite some time now. She had held on through Christmas, held on as long as she could, and passed away peacefully in her sleep.
We went over there once we heard the news. We wanted to be with family and show our support to our loved ones that were beginning to face the grieving process. It was such a hard thing to do, but I am so glad that we were able to be there. We shed our tears, hugged our hearts out, offered our condolences, and gave our goodbyes. With nothing left to do, we left.
Our bags were packed and we hit the road. I turned on a playlist to try to mend our broken hearts. I sat in the drivers seat, clutching the steering wheel and bracing myself for the long road home. My sister sat next to me with her face pointed towards the window, trying to hide her tears. We passed through the roads of that sleepy town, headed onto the highway, and we were nearing the bridge that connected where we were going with where we were coming from. I leaned forward to turn up the radio. My sister looked up. What we saw then was a sign. A sign that everything would be alright. To the left of the car, right before the bridge, a dozen cardinals flew towards town.
I miss you everyday, Papa. I know that there will be a day where our family will be whole and together again, but until then...
I'll be seeing you.
At this time, I was still in high school and my sister was at Ole Miss. I could hear the phone ring in my parent's bedroom and I knew that it was never a good thing whenever anyone called that early. My mom came in to tell me the news: Papa died.
We had expected it for a while. He had received diagnosis after diagnosis that all pointed to the end. However, in the same fashion that he lived his life, he neither tired nor faltered; he would not accept something that he did not believe to be true. Over the next months after his diagnosis, his health got a lot worse. He got weaker and we settled into the knowledge that we would soon be without him. But it was not that easy. My cousin was getting married that spring and he did not want to miss it. Despite his failing health, Papa managed to find his second wind. He made it to that wedding and we have the proof in a beautiful photograph of the entire family. True to it's form, Papa's second wind did not last long. A few weeks later, my grandfather passed away.
My mother drove to Oxford right away to tell my sister. She went to her dorm room, woke her up, and let her know. She took my sister to get breakfast and sitting there next to the car was a beautiful male cardinal. He watched them drive away. My sister knew it in her heart that that cardinal was Papa, quietly watching over her.
That night when I was trying to find my shoes that I was going to wear to the funeral, I looked underneath my bed and saw, not a pair of shoes, but instead a toy cardinal. Oftentimes when I am running late or am stressed out, I see a quick glimpse of a cardinal out of the corner of my eye and I instantly relax. On my most important days when the butterflies are fluttering in my stomach, I have been known to pass a cardinal on my way in to whatever new journey I am about to lead. Cardinals are there when I am on the verge of tears. During my best moments and my worst. Present for my mundane and extraordinary days.
And this is not just for me or my sister. My grandmother has a beautiful male cardinal residing in the birdhouse outside of the kitchen window. My mom and aunts and uncles and cousins see cardinals all the time. In terms of literature, a cardinal is a symbol of grace and nobility. For my family, a cardinal is Papa... watching over us, protecting us, being there for our daily trials.
I have never been one to believe in reincarnation or ghosts or spirits. That is not what Papa is. I know that my grandfather is above in Heaven. He watches over my family every day and just to say hello, he puts a cardinal in our path to remind us of the love he has for each one of us.
Today was another tough day. My father, mother, sister and I were packing our bags to leave Mimi's house when Mimi told us that Aunt Naomi had died. She had been fighting a very tough battle to live for quite some time now. She had held on through Christmas, held on as long as she could, and passed away peacefully in her sleep.
We went over there once we heard the news. We wanted to be with family and show our support to our loved ones that were beginning to face the grieving process. It was such a hard thing to do, but I am so glad that we were able to be there. We shed our tears, hugged our hearts out, offered our condolences, and gave our goodbyes. With nothing left to do, we left.
Our bags were packed and we hit the road. I turned on a playlist to try to mend our broken hearts. I sat in the drivers seat, clutching the steering wheel and bracing myself for the long road home. My sister sat next to me with her face pointed towards the window, trying to hide her tears. We passed through the roads of that sleepy town, headed onto the highway, and we were nearing the bridge that connected where we were going with where we were coming from. I leaned forward to turn up the radio. My sister looked up. What we saw then was a sign. A sign that everything would be alright. To the left of the car, right before the bridge, a dozen cardinals flew towards town.
I was sad not being able to spend Christmas with Papa this year. I can still remember how his eyes would light up as he sat in the middle of the room and watched his children and grandchildren open their gifts. I missed having him around. I always do. But as much as I missed him yesterday, I ache for my cousins who just lost their mother. I am so sad that this is the last Christmas that they will have together. I hate that this is the end of a life, especially the life of a loved one. However I witnessed something beautiful today that I will never forget. I watched my grandfather, the head of the family, fly away home. I watched as he, surrounded by his brothers, sisters, in-laws, and parents, flew to Aunt Naomi to take her to their new eternal home. A place where life is endless and beautiful. Where they will be together forever.
I miss you everyday, Papa. I know that there will be a day where our family will be whole and together again, but until then...
I'll be seeing you.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
NYC
The semester ended and I made it through. I moved into my new place. I fell in love.
Right after the semester ended, I went on a (free) trip to New York City! Along with 120 of my closest friends, I did community service for the greater NYC area.
I had the time of my life.
I made a library for the women in the YWCA.
I spent quality time with lovely Jewish seniors from the Bronx that had never been around Southerners.
I shopped until I dropped.
I ate until I couldn't move.
I was a citizen of Little Italy and Chinatown in one afternoon.
I called an international youth hostel my home.
I saw Times Square in the rain and the snow.
I laughed with people on the streets.
I belonged on the subway.
I mastered the art of gracefully draping my scarf around my neck.
I was asked for directions.
I saw my first real Broadway play.
I caught the Christmas spirit.
I woke up at dawn and stood in the cold for hours to get to shake hands with intelligent people that I respect.
I witnessed a beautiful child succumb to the staggering emotions associated with her pure belief.
I lived with black drama.
I felt at home somewhere around 72nd Street.
I walked and walked and walked.
I caught the perfect snowflake.
I saw a miracle on 34th Street.
I was wrong and I was right. I lived and loved and laughed.
I did not want to come home. I wanted to stay where the air is crisp. Where the people are determined. Where you walk with purpose, wherever it may be that you are going. I wanted to be a part of the city that never sleeps; a place where I would fit in.
I went to New York City.
I have never been happier.
Right after the semester ended, I went on a (free) trip to New York City! Along with 120 of my closest friends, I did community service for the greater NYC area.
I had the time of my life.
I made a library for the women in the YWCA.
I spent quality time with lovely Jewish seniors from the Bronx that had never been around Southerners.
I shopped until I dropped.
I ate until I couldn't move.
I was a citizen of Little Italy and Chinatown in one afternoon.
I called an international youth hostel my home.
I saw Times Square in the rain and the snow.
I laughed with people on the streets.
I belonged on the subway.
I mastered the art of gracefully draping my scarf around my neck.
I was asked for directions.
I saw my first real Broadway play.
I caught the Christmas spirit.
I woke up at dawn and stood in the cold for hours to get to shake hands with intelligent people that I respect.
I witnessed a beautiful child succumb to the staggering emotions associated with her pure belief.
I lived with black drama.
I felt at home somewhere around 72nd Street.
I walked and walked and walked.
I caught the perfect snowflake.
I saw a miracle on 34th Street.
I was wrong and I was right. I lived and loved and laughed.
I did not want to come home. I wanted to stay where the air is crisp. Where the people are determined. Where you walk with purpose, wherever it may be that you are going. I wanted to be a part of the city that never sleeps; a place where I would fit in.
I went to New York City.
I have never been happier.
Monday, November 29, 2010
November Blue
I have always heard that November is a time to fall in love. I never really believed it. Why would people fall in love during a month that is so cold and so full of change? I never realized that the love could be with the cold and full of change.
I fell in love this week. It was a great week. Full of thanks and family and friends and change. My heart was full of glitter and I was spreading it around.
I fell in love with the changes within me and the new people and places I experienced. My world is turning and is about to go in a direction that I have never even imagined. I did things this week that I have never done, with people I would never dream of spending time with. And I am about to be in charge of something bigger than myself. Something that means the world to me. Something that will be fragile within my hands. With that responsibility comes the added bonus of moving into the big white house. I am fortunate enough to get to move into a wonderful, spacious room with a friend that means so much to me.
But all of this means change. I am moving out of my comfort zone. I am leaving friends that I haven't been a day without in almost two years. I know, I am only moving down the street. I won't be really leaving them for long. But I am opening new doors for myself. Doors that are heavy and that I can't see through. And I'm scared and excited and so incredibly happy.
I have fallen in love with November. Fallen for the cold and the change. The love and the glitter. Fallen for the new faces and new places.
I fell in love this week. It was a great week. Full of thanks and family and friends and change. My heart was full of glitter and I was spreading it around.
November shadows shade November change.
November spells sweet memory, the season blue remains.
I fell in love with the changes within me and the new people and places I experienced. My world is turning and is about to go in a direction that I have never even imagined. I did things this week that I have never done, with people I would never dream of spending time with. And I am about to be in charge of something bigger than myself. Something that means the world to me. Something that will be fragile within my hands. With that responsibility comes the added bonus of moving into the big white house. I am fortunate enough to get to move into a wonderful, spacious room with a friend that means so much to me.
But all of this means change. I am moving out of my comfort zone. I am leaving friends that I haven't been a day without in almost two years. I know, I am only moving down the street. I won't be really leaving them for long. But I am opening new doors for myself. Doors that are heavy and that I can't see through. And I'm scared and excited and so incredibly happy.
I have fallen in love with November. Fallen for the cold and the change. The love and the glitter. Fallen for the new faces and new places.
My heart is dancing to a November tune.
I hope you hear it singing songs about you.
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