Some Days

Some things are just easy.

And some days are just good.

Some times are better than others.

And some days I wish I could -

I wish I could get up, go back,

Live my life like today.

I'm not looking for a second chance,

I'm just looking for a new way.

Because yesterday just wasn't -

Wasn't at all what I wanted.

And these ghosts from my past

Just can't keep me haunted.

Because I just fought back.

I stood up and walked out.

I might not know where I'm going,

But I have no room for doubt.

So today I have a new face to show,

A new glow to light my way.

Happiness is new to me

But this is where I'll stay.

Some things are just easy.

Some days are just good.

Some times are better than others.

Hell, I always knew they would.

Perfectly Ordinary

You know those days where everything is the way that it should be? I just had one.

Last night I went with my best friends to a party and we had the time of our lives. Good music, good dancing, good friends, good times. We slept in late this morning and then ate breakfast and got ready. We went to another party in the afternoon with the same good friends from the night before. Then, we went back to our rooms and rested. We grabbed some dinner and played tennis until the lights went out.

Spending the entire day with friends is a good way to celebrate life. It was so ordinary. And that is precisely why it was so perfect.

Me, Myself, and I

I was never one to be alone. I always used to hate going places by myself and doing anything without company. I can now say that I have changed.

I don't know what made me this way. Something happened this semester that has made me so comfortable in my own skin. I have not felt self-conscious in a while and have oozed confidence in every part of my life that I can think of.

Maybe it was my room mate moving out. I had to learn to be comfortable with myself. I literally spend hours every day with just me. I never sleep, so when the rest of the world goes to sleep, I only have myself to stay with. I can thank my room mate for loving me and leaving me. She is such a good friend and I miss her, but at the same time, I really love the new me.

Maybe it was receiving the most truthful insult of my life. I had to come to terms with aspects of my personality that I had never looked at before. My aunt said something to me that she intended to be nice, but it was actually a back-handed compliment. I had to take it in stride. And truth be known, she was right. And I am okay with that.

Maybe it was coming to terms with my future. I realized that my job might not be perfect for me, but it was the responsible thing to do. I became determined to keep with my current path so that I may afford to live a life that is healthy for me.

Maybe it was a lot of things.

Whatever it was, thank you. I love myself. I have never felt that way before.

Wish Upon A Star

I wish my eyelashes were longer.

I wish I was appreciated.

I wish my friends would stay.

I wish I could win.

I wish I was someone's favorite.

I wish that would last.

I wish I was smarter.

I wish I didn't have to be.

I wish I could be seen.

I wish I was heard.

I wish I things would get better.

I wish I could be happy.

I wish I already was.

I wish I could sing.

I wish I could dance.

I wish I knew what I wanted.

I wish I was someone else.

I wish I lived in a different time.

I wish I was stronger.

I wish I was wanted.

I wish I was liked.

I wish things came easily to me.

I wish I get everything I wish for.

All I Ever Wanted

I have an assignment to write a life plan that amounts to five pages. I don't even have a life plan that amounts to five words. Live. That's all.

I don't know what the future will hold. I don't even know what tomorrow will bring or what time I will go to sleep tonight. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, or even if I will grow up at all. I just want to wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night, and in between do what I want to do (right, Bob Dylan?). I think I know what I career I will go into. I think I know where I will live. I think I know what I believe in. I think I know who my friends are. I think I know what I wish that I could do. I think I know who I am.

I want to be loved.

I want to love.

I want to be successful.

I want to be happy.

I want to live.

I want to laugh.

I want to cry.

I want to scream.

I want to be healthy.

I want to look up.

I want to be better.

I want to be me.

"I must learn to love the fool in me. The one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries."

-Theodore Isaac Rubin

Everything Is Changing, And I Don't Feel The Same

I'm sitting on the futon of a room I have lived in for five months now. I sit here everyday.

I'm listening to my next door neighbor blast her music and sing loudly. I hear this everyday.

I'm chatting with my friends about boys we like. I do this everyday.

I'm drinking Kool-Aid as a nightly treat. I drink this everyday.

I'm watching Disney Channel before I go to sleep. I watch this everyday.

But I'm lost. Confused. Bewildered. Mad. Stressed. Sad. But mainly my mind is just blown. How can I be in two places at once? How do I wish for one friend to leave the one she is with, while wishing the other to hold on for dear life? How do I support something I know anything about other than I have to support it?

My world is changing. My life is rearranging. I don't know what I am supposed to feel.

Answer This

I have tried to write lately. I've gotten a few lines out and put a miniscule effort into it. Maybe it is the fact that I am not trying hard enough or that I haven't written in a while, but I am afraid that I have lost it.

Poetry used to flow from me as if it was the air that I breathed. It was so simple, yet breathtaking. I overwhelmed myself so often with the words that I was able to put on paper. A lot of the time, I had no idea that I felt that way. Poetry is therapy. I would pick up my pen, full of questions, and by the time I put it back down, I would have all of the answers.

I want to have all of the answers again.